||[21 Jan 2008|07:20pm]
Damien Rice always knows how I feel. Always. This is what's going through my mind after this past weekend:
There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
still a little hard to say what's going on.
Still a little bit of your ghost, your witness,
still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed,
you step a little closer each day
still I can't say what's going on.
Stones taught me to fly,
love taught me to lie,
life taught me to die,
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball.
Still a little bit of your song in my ear
still a little bit of your words I long to hear
you step a little closer to me,
so close that I can't see what's going on.
Stones taught me to fly,
love, it taught me to lie,
life taught me to die,
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannon...
Stones taught me to fly,
love taught me to cry,
so come on courage,
teach me to be shy...
'cause it's not hard to fall,
and I don't wanna scare her,
it's not hard to fall,
and I don't wanna lose...
It's not hard to grow
when you know that you just don't know.
[Replace 'her' with 'him' and that's my life in a nutshell right now.]
|First poem in a billion.
||[12 Jul 2007|06:14pm]
Four a.m. talk
Trembling, your lips
searching for catharsis
two things inextricably linked
and my mouth
found solace in
a whisper of your tongue
what has always
been hidden here.
||[30 Jan 2007|05:51pm]
Update on life:
-Boring but good.
-Lots of alcohol.
-Future St. Patrick's Day party in the works.
-Boys are fun, not serious endeavors.
-My best friend is a $500 plane ride away and I miss her so much.
-I need a job.
-I should be doing work right now.
-I'm content with the way things are, right now.
-I have a crush on someone it'll never happen with.
-Okay, three someones.
||[21 Nov 2006|07:38pm]
"Don't Drink the Water," a play by Woody Allen.
I have a lead role, so come show me support!
Friday&Saturday December 1st&2nd,
Friday&Saturday December 8th&9th.
All shows @ 8pm, $5 students, $8 nonstudents,
in Scott Hall Rm. 135 on College Avenue.
Come support college theater, and me!
||[19 Oct 2006|01:13pm]
Come see my show, Wonder of the World, at the Cabaret Theatre on the Douglass Campus of Rutgers New Brunswick!
The dates are: Oct 19th @ 8pm, Oct 20th @8pm, Oct 21st @8pm, Oct 22nd @2pm, Oct 26th @8pm, Oct 27th @ 8pm&midnight, Oct 28th @8pm.
Tickets are $7 for students, $12 general admission. The theater is located on the corners of Nichol Ave & Suydam Street in New Brunswick, across from the Douglass Co-op Bookstore. You can go to this website for more info, or contact me either here or on my cell. You can reserve tickets by calling (732) 846-2134.
I'm playing the lead, and it's a comedy with a lot of great ridiculous situations. Please come see it and support college theater!
||[18 Sep 2006|12:06am]
Funny how two pictures can yield such different results....
I prefer the first set, as it not only begins with Eliza Dushku, but also contains Grace Kelly and Drew Barrymore. What do you think? ;]
||[14 Sep 2006|12:06am]
Blah blah I am too boring to be writing in livejournal blah blah I got called back for Wonder of the World and Adult Evening With Shel Silverstein [ :) ] blah blah my boyfriend is away on business again... and that's pretty much all that's new and exciting in my life.
Also, I love my classes and I plan on making Dean's List again this semester if it kills me. :]
||[14 Jul 2006|01:20am]
Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)
( it goes on...Collapse )
|✓ I miss somebody right now.
|| × I don't watch much TV these days.
||✓ I own lots of books.
| × I wear glasses or contact lenses.
|| × I love to play video games.
||✓ I've tried marijuana.
|✓ I've watched porn movies.
||✓ I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
||✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
|✓ I curse sometimes.
||✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
|| × I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
The checked boxes are apparently things that don't apply to me.
||[21 Jun 2006|01:04pm]
Sometimes I want to feel that old familiar sting, especially when I think of you... and it's not because I love you but because you will never love me. What is it about me that makes me so unloveable?
And there's someone out there who I'm missing tonight, and he probably hardly even remembers that I exist most of the time let alone misses me too. But I wish that when I had been in the middle of that crowd, smelling that guy wearing his cologne and watching a great artist sing one of our favorite songs while tripping on acid, that he could have been there next to me, holding my hand... standing proud and tall.
How many times do I have to tell myself you don't miss me back before I make myself believe it?
And why does this hurt so much? I try to kill the pain with the company of others, and bedhopping can be fun sometimes, and drugs, and alcohol... but no matter what, I think of you constantly. I fucking hate it.
Somebody save me from me.
||[12 Jun 2006|11:27pm]
[o] Three names you go by:
[o] Three Screen Names:
[o] Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
[o] Three Physical Things You Don't Like About Yourself:
[o] Three Things That Scare You:
1] dying alone
[o] Three Everyday Essentials:
3] cellular telephone
[o] Three Things That You Are Wearing:
1] suit jacket
2] claddagh ring
[o] Three Favorite Songs at The Moment:
1] san dimas highschool football rules - the ataris
2] romeo and juliet - the dire straits
3] you're beautiful - james blunt
[o] Three Things You Want in a Romantic Relationship:
3] someone who can deal with me, all of me.
[o] Two Truths and a Lie:
1] i have to keep him close in order to keep my distance from the other him, and vice versa.
2] i don't like wearing boys' clothes
3] i am pretty damn content with my life right now.
[o] Three Features You Like in the Opposite Sex:
[o] Three Favorite Hobbies:
1] acting [can we call it a hobby?]
2] reading and writing
[o] Three Things You Want to Do Really Badly Right Now:
1] get a back massage
[o] Ways You are Stereotypically a Chick:
1] i love getting all dressed up to go out, even if there's no one to impress there.
2] my favorite color is pink.
3] i love shoes.
[o] Three Celebrity Crushes:
1] johnny depp
2] vince vaughn
3] natalie portman
I'm supposed to tag three people so I tag:
||[05 Jun 2006|10:47pm]
I think sometimes I really fucking hate you.
Get out of my goddamned head. Urgh.
Frustration to the max, yo.
Uhm, read the poem. Tell me what you think honestly. You can leave comments even if you don't have an El-jay too. <3
|The Broken Ballerina.
||[05 Jun 2006|12:48pm]
The girl tiptoes through,
A toe-shoe dance that mezmerizes,
The boys all tremble and swoon.
Her hands are porcelain white
And when I'm near her,
I hold her close to me.
My heat shatters her
As we slip together,
Out of reality... but
Her mascara runs black.
I wonder what her cheeks look like,
And I've never seen her smile.
My broken ballerina gazes
Hopefully at her reflection
Because she prays to change herself.
And scarred wrists
Are always beautiful, because,
"It shows you feel that much."
Too bad I cannot stitch her up right,
Put her heart back together...
Humpty Dumpty can wait.
I'll wish her a fairy tale ending
Complete with hands that fit
And eyes that shine with happy tears.
But memories tend to stay
Until the closure helps them fade
Or the razor blades mask the pain
So the porcelain skin is stained-
No longer a pure, perfect white,
And she bites her cherry lips to stop the tears.
I hold her close and warm.
I lick her wounds to help them heal,
I patch her up the best I can,
And take her dancing now and then.
||[04 Jun 2006|04:01am]
- A quick snack
- A glass of wine
- Someone to wrap my arms around tonight
- Closure, damnit!
- To write
- To sleep
- To not want a cigarette
- Sexier work clothes
- A girl's night
- A fake id
- To finish the Chronicles of Narnia
- Uhm, a vacation.
||[01 Jun 2006|03:44am]
I've needed this. Even if it turns out to be just a temporary distraction, it's well worth it. And I'm sorry if I'm not being completely forthcoming right now, but I'm not even entirely sure what's going on, so... no use in all of us being confused, eh? ;]
Let's just say these past two days have been perfect, from start to finish. Really. I have a few great friends to thank, but I won't bore you all with that now. Also, I think the past two days being extremely good has shaken something out of my brain and my writer's block is possibly cured. [I know, I know... you probably didn't even know I was having writer's block, because I hardly ever write in here, but...] I think I'll write a while tonight, and read, and sleep.
|For the sake of updating...
||[29 May 2006|06:38pm]
So, that was the longest six hours of my life! I just got out of work at six o'clock, and it was extremely stressful and boring all at once. The highlight of my day was that a transvestite or transsexual, I'm not sure which... named Veronica who comes into our store pretty often told me that to make steamed broccoli really taste good you need to steam it in chicken broth. That's apparently how they do it in Chinese restaurants. Then she asked me where the Signature fishnets were and if we had any in nude for her friend and we didn't, so she left.
The highlight of my day was talking to someone who calls themself Veronica but probably still has a penis. Fab. ;]
I'm actually only updating this because apparently my posts have been too emo lately, and certain people [who shall remain nameless] who I've recently become friends with are getting a bad impression of me, so... here goes.
I'm completely single now and I'm not pushing myself to get involved in anything. I've been having my fun and making some drunken mistakes, but mostly I've been trying to stay out of trouble. I've been getting drunk and stoned fairly often, but it's only because there's nothing else to do in this town. Like, seriously. Also, I'm pretty much broke.
I started the Chronicles of Narnia again, from the beginning. I had never read the first book, which is called The Magician's Nephew. When I was little, I started on The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe... which is because my Aunt Colleen lent me her set. So, I'm already done with the first book and almost done with the second... and it's pretty exciting to be reading it over again, especially because of how much detail I remember as I continue to read. It's actually pretty fascinating. After I'm through with the whole set, I'm going to finish The English Patient and then it'll be back to my Chuck Palahniuk obsession. I'm thinking the next one I read will have to be Diary, cuz I borrowed that one from Cele and she probably wants it back sometime soon.
Is anyone in the mood for doing something outdoorsy this week, tomorrow through Thursday? I'm off from work and I'd like to either go to the beach, the park [maybe for a picnic and frisbee and just general goofiness?], or hiking... something like that. I don't know. Anyone who's up for it, leave a comment or give me a call. Or send me a text. I like those. ;]
||[24 May 2006|12:20am]
Yesterday was okay... but now I just... I can't take it. I'm sorry. I'm a mess. I'm worthless. I'm a bad person, a bad friend, and I always blame myself for everything. There's something I want to do right now but I always promised myself that I would never do this because of you and I don't know how [else?] to make it all go away.
I'm terrible at this. I'm sorry.
||[21 May 2006|02:40pm]
I don't know what to say, except that I feel very sad right now. I don't deal well with breaking up. I am bad at this whole getting rid of my feelings for you thing, as well as not talking to you. I want to talk to you. I want to tell you how much you hurt me, how much this sucks, and how much I wish that you had told me that you didn't want me anymore earlier instead of dragging it out.
I wish that I could stop blaming myself for this and that you still liked me. I don't have anyone here to tell me that everything is going to be okay, and it really doesn't feel like it is. I spent last night trying to drink you out of my system, but as soon as I woke up this morning, you were the first thought in my mind. I'd be lying to you if I told you everything is okay, because nothing is okay right now but yesterday it was kind of. Now it's starting to hit me that you don't like me any more. You. Don't. Like. Me. You don't want to be together, because you just don't care about me, in that way, enough. When did that happen exactly?
Remember the time my grandpa died and you came over just to eat pizza and watch Mortal Kombat and make out? Or when I was so stressed about my paper, and you came over just to give me some you time and we watched comedy sketches? Remember the time you kissed another girl and I got mad and then we made up and went home to have sex? Remember all the never-have-I-ever type things we crossed off our list? Those were good times. I don't want to believe that we're never going to do those things again... at least not in that way. Mostly, I just want to hang out and be able to kiss you and not have all the fucking complications that come with being in a relationship, but I'm bad at those kinds of things too, usually.
I'm so sorry for putting you through me and my craziness for the past three months. It wasn't fair. And I'm sorry that when I told you yesterday about the first time I liked you as more than a hook-up, you smiled so big I just wanted to kiss you forever. You felt something for me then, and I don't know what I did to change that... but I'm sorry.
Also, your away message depresses me.
||[15 May 2006|01:05am]
Okay, so maybe my mother was right and I am chemically imbalanced still and I should go see a psychiatrist. I mean, what could it hurt, right? There's one that was recommended to me in Highland Park... so maybe I'll take a trip there next week.
I just don't want to go all psycho and I don't want to need other people [Jon, Rachel, Sean, Lena, Dan, Miranda, and Sam, to name a few] in order to feel balanced again. I don't want to text message Lena about how she sucks because she's actually going to a party or tell Jon that I'm depressed for no fucking reason. I don't want to have to smoke a bowl at night when I'm alone just to calm my hyperactive thought processes.
Basically, what I'm saying is, I want to be better.
[Although, I have said this before and not actually made the move to go visit the shrink so... wish me luck this time, I guess.]